My “God is Real” Moment

This past summer was spent doing a whole lot of healing; and that is putting it lightly. In May I was in the shape of my life, physically. I was lifting weights every week, eating the best I ever have, and felt like finally my life was in flow.  I had big plans for the year including international travel, multiple friend’s weddings, time at the beach, baby showers, bridal showers…you name it. But looking back, I was disconnected spiritually. 

My health declined over the course of a few months. Despite doing everything for my physical body, my spirit was a mess. At the time I had no clue what was going on. I was losing weight and losing my appetite. I was not able to lift weights anymore. My digestion was a mess, my stomach hurt constantly, and I became unable to do pretty much everything I loved. I was forced to stay home from most of the events and trips I had planned. 

It took all of my energy to take a shower, and I was eating every meal from the couch. I was the lowest I’ve ever been; depressed, exhausted, feverish, and lacking purpose. I was nearing the end of what I felt I could handle, and yet I knew the right answer was to keep on keeping on. I knew my body was putting me in a place to heal on a deeper level. 

There is a theory in the holistic community that if you don’t listen to your body, one day it will scream so loudly you will be forced to listen. 

That’s when the choice is yours, you either listen or you medicate it away. 

I was choosing to listen, despite most people in my life attempting to convince me to do otherwise. For most of my life I have been one to do whatever I could to make the pain go away as quickly as possible. This time I chose to let it be. It all became so intense that I took medical leave from my job, and yet, I still knew this was what I needed to do. 

I spent most of my time on leave laying on my couch staring out the window listening to music. When I wasn’t lying down inside, I laid outside in my front yard in the sun looking up at the sky. I truly didn’t have the energy or mental capacity to do anything else. 

One day in August, I laid down for my usual afternoon nap, but this time I wasn’t able to fall asleep. During this time on medical leave I did my best to stay off of my phone all together. Instead of laying there in silence, something prompted me to open a daily devotional book I’ve had on my nightstand for over a decade. Now I think it’s important for me to note that I grew up in a family that generally went to church. Every school I went to through highschool had a religious aspect, but it never really clicked for me. It was just always something I did, but to be honest it never meant too much to me. I became a “ChrEaster”, only going to church on Christmas and Easter, mainly to satisfy family obligations. Over the years there were times I would read this daily devotional, but it was never consistent and I never knew what it was telling me. 

This time was different. This time the devotional of the day started off saying “relax in my healing”. I could barely finish reading before I had tears falling on the page. I knew this is where I was supposed to be, relaxing in His healing. I knew at this moment I should continue on the path I was on and I should add in a new habit of reading this book each day. 

The next day instead of a nap, I picked up the book again. The devotional said I should accept myself in my weariness, not compare myself to others, and to allow God to bless me richly through my fragility instead of seeing it as a weakness. 

I sobbed for an hour. I felt understood and I knew God was talking to me, I just needed to stay quiet and listen.

I began praying while I laid around all day. I prayed myself to sleep each night and prayed myself awake the next morning. I listened to sermons online when I had the energy for it, and I just hoped God could hear me. 

In September the signs that God was near became so visible there was no denying them. On September 20th, I was considering throwing in the towel. While my mental health was getting better, physically things were stagnant. Again, I chose to keep pushing on. That afternoon, I went to see Dr. Kristine, my chiropractor. She had been out of town for a few days prior so her office was packed. When it was finally my turn, I laid face down on the table crying. She could sense how I felt. 

She said to me something along the lines of, “I know you are struggling. I have been praying for you and I feel like my prayer has been answered. My pastor is in the next room about to get adjusted with her family and she wants to pray with you. This is completely up to you.”

I felt that God could not have been speaking to me any clearer. I made no hesitation in saying yes. Pastor Diana brought such healing energy into the room. She asked about what I was going through and told me God would take care of me. She asked if she could pray for me. 

I now know the most sincere thing a person can do is to ask if they can pray for you. 

Shortly after saying yes, they placed their hands on my back while Pastor Diana prayed the most beautiful and eloquent prayer I have ever heard. I wish I remembered more of it, but I mostly remember her asking God for radical healing. Healing so radical that no one could deny it was from Him.

The energy in the room was amazing. I was sobbing and Ross was crying, while Dr Kristine and Pastor Diana’s hands were funneling what felt like supernatural energy into me. 

There is no other way to describe it other than I felt like life was being put back into my body. 

From that moment on, my life changed forever. On the drive home I was full of energy, I was crying the happiest tears, I was singing along to the music in the car, and my symptoms were nonexistent. 

It was overwhelming, but in the best way possible. I was overcome with so much emotion. I knew more than ever that God is real and He is in the business of healing. From that day my health improved drastically. Day by day my appetite came back, I began to gain weight, I reconnected with family members, my 3 month long fever went away, and everything in my life started to make sense. I committed myself to joining a church and diving into a relationship with God. 

The truth is that when God isolates us, it is to work on us. As difficult as my Summer was, I would not have thought twice about having a relationship with God had I not been through a profound spiritual awakening. I feel so blessed to now see God working everyday in my life. And I feel comfort in knowing that there is a bigger plan than what I may be able to see in the present moment. I’m finding meaning each day in things that previously felt random. I’m no longer chalking things up to being a coincidence and I’m excited to see what God’s plan for me is. 

I’m so thankful for this outlet and the community I’m slowly building. In my next post I’ll be sharing another very special and beautiful way I have seen God in my life…stay tuned!